Bull Ants & Bottoms

We haven’t left yet, however this weekend is our last ‘dry run’ before departure and so is technically part of our preparation. I did promise to faithfully chronicle all misadventures on this trip (and preparation for it), I just can’t believe I have one to report on already – or that it involves me!

Looking forward to a last weekend away at Mooloolaba with some of our best camping buddies, strike one, pouring with rain. Never mind, last time we were supposed to go away there was a cyclone, so a bit of rain is no biggie.

So in pouring rain, in peak motorway traffic nowhere near an exit or any form of amenities we get the statement that all parents dread – “mummy I need a poo”. Every parent has been there but to date we’ve only had to deal with the road side wee so this is a little more challenging.

After 10 minutes of pleading with her to “just hang on a bit longer” and getting constant status reports it became evident from her seat gymnastics that our time was up. I will spare all readers the details that followed (particular the childless among us who may not have the same level of casual discussion around bodily functions!!)

Attempting to protect my four year olds modesty on the side of the Sunshine Motorway was tricky but with two doors open and me in front of her in a long summer dress that acted a bit like a tent I think we spared her and passing motorists too much embarrassment.

Once we had all recovered from the indignity of the whole experience we rejoined the motorway car park for the final stretch to Mooloolaba – ordeal over or so I thought. Two minutes after hitting the road something bit my foot and I flicked a massive black ant off my foot with a bit of controlled child friendly expletives- but it didn’t stop there. Next there was a bite on my leg which hurt quite a bit, then my back and final insult inner thigh.

By now I’m lifting my entire dress up to my ears attempting to find the offending insects (apologies to passing truck drivers!) using less child friendly expletives and performing my own version of seat gymnastic

It dawned on me as I got out of the car at the caravan park and shook three more aggressive little black creatures from my dress that as I protected my child’s cute little bottom from passing traffic that the ants must have climbed up the hem of my dress (aka modesty screen) and been carried back into the car where they made their displeasure with their new accommodations clearly known!!

Finally with the camper setup (that’s a whole other blog post!!!!) and a very large wine in my hand I can laugh at the indignity of the whole experience but sincerely hope the next few blog posts are a lot less eventful – and a lot less painful !!!!!!!

11 thoughts on “Bull Ants & Bottoms

    • You can laugh – it was traumatic !!!! Not sure what was worse, my child pooping on the motorway verge or being eaten by bull ants 🙂 Rain has stopped and the Phillips and Fosters just arrived (love setting up in the dark). We miss you guys, looking forward to Biblos (spelling?) xx

  1. OK – I HAVE TO ASK – do you mean that you don’t have some sort of “porta-potty” in situ in this caravan/roadtrain/motorhome???!!! My “gut” reaction is – OMG – YOU MUST HAVE SOME SORT OF peeing/pooping solution that doesn’t require pulling over on the side of a busy road – or else this will become a CONSTANT (and hilarious) source of amusing blog posts for the next six months.
    Ted agrees – please think about some additional “trailerage” appendage with a portable “potty” for EMERGENCY USE only – or whenever you find yourself stuck somewhere inconvenient (or incontinent)??!! as you travel around this continent!!!
    Happy trails, travels, and travails –
    Love, Lisa & Ted

    • Lisa we haven’t quite decided on the porta loo thing – we have a pop top trailer which doesn’t come fitted with any sort of toilet and although we should be camping mostly in parks with facilities there may be some situations where we are free camping and will need one. Having said that in an emergency road stop like we experienced today there wouldn’t have been time to break out the porta-loo anyway – so – best laid plans of mice and men!!!

  2. Lol! I have a vivid image of all that happening in my head! Can I ask which child it was??? S??
    Have a great weekend, wish we could have come too xx

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